The trip began as I introduced Al to some rap music, a genre he appreciates so much. Interspersed throughout the trip were such gems as "Ching Chang Chong" a fine tribute to people of Asian descent, "Go F*ck Yourself" a ditty about someone who has been wronged by another (such a timeless topic we can all relate to), and "Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do" a timely song on the topic of gun control. Much discourse and introspection followed.
As navigator, I conned convinced Al to take an arduous a simple detour into Cambridge, MA for lunch at a fine establishment that offered a full bar with whatever Al wanted their own fine craft beer.
After some reluctance by the waiter, I was able to procure my prize: a Blunderbuss Barleywine! (For realz, this sh!t is amazing, yo. <-- people who drink barelywine often speak like that.)
After a couple of barleywines, I was kinda loaded so I'm skipping ahead to arriving in Rhode Island.
We found Al's hotel, which certainly seemed fancy on the outside. A reconditioned mill on a river with lots of brick, big windows, and a giant wooden door. Also, more sh!tty, unrestored mill next door, nothing but concrete and uncomfortable furniture inside, and only decaf coffee in the room. I guess this really took its toll:
We then hit the store to stock up on drink mixers (Did I mention the booze we picked up at the NH state liquor store?) and found the site of the weekend's shenanigans - the Crowne Plaza!
As we had taken a more leisurely pace to arrive, we were able to enjoy a long stroll from the car to the hotel, followed by more strolling around to the front part of the hotel where we could actually enter.
We set up a bar in the room and poured drinks down our throats took our time to enjoy a beverage before our first foray into the odd mix of fine steampunk attire and dirty, unwashed sweatpants and t-shirts that is TempleCon.
I don't recall all of the specifics but we spent time checking everything out, playing some games, and making frequent trips to the room for refills. We came to know and love and then hate some ladies putting on some kind of show in front of the elevator. In a strange twist, the more I drank, the worse their dancing got.
We went through the vendor hall. I offered to pay for half of a top hat if Tuna would wear it all weekend. Unfortunately, he couldn't find good one that fit that wasn't a ridiculous price.
We did find this great book:
We passed this cool Elmo in frozen in carbonite:
I was quickly corrected by the owner. It's a Tickle Me Elmo frozen in carbonite and pushing his stomach still made him giggle and squirm.
They had a video game room, full of free-to-play games. It was kept dark with the 80's music blasting. Here's Al reliving some younger days (He stills logs his high score initials as ASS):
Later, we attempted to go for dinner at a nearby Irish pub named Fat Belly's. It was so packed that we bailed and walked to Al's hotel of strange egg chairs:
My thoughts on the egg chair: It is perfectly sized so that you bump your head and have to keep your neck at an angle. It hangs from the ceiling, so it moves around as you try to get in while not hitting your head. It also amplifies the sounds from the bar, where some guy who looks like Dr Phil is striking out with the ladies.
Dinner wasn't bad and Al's drink looked absolutely fabulous. I wish I had a photo. Just look at this one but picture it red and a bit more gay:
Late that night, Tuna ventured out on a solo trip to find the body painting competition. It was either moved to a very remote location or canceled, which was too bad because the 'will there be or won't there be nipple' question was left unanswered.
Saturday began a bit late. I won't speak for Tuna but I had fought off a bad headache the night before and Al wasn't feeling his sharpest that morning. We decided to forego the breakfast rum and hit the convention sober. This is where the ladies at the elevator really started to go from "quirky and fun" to "let's take the other elevator."
We checked out some games and then decided on the hotel restaurant for lunch. At a table nearby was a woman with her steampunk goggles up on her head and her breasts lifted to a mind boggling height. It's not the greatest photo but that extra flesh above her hand is not her other hand:
Later that night, with the drinking back in full force, we got a photo of the three of us playing Galaxy Trucker, the game mentioned in the prior email about the mesh trucker hats (which shipped today!):
Not a bad selection of games back there!
Sunday we took a last walk around then hit the road for home. Because we wanted to purchase Galaxy Trucker and no one had it at the event, I looked up a game store near our route, picking one in Portsmouth. We tried to stop for lunch at a brewery I knew of there but it didn't open until noon and it was 11:30. We tried another place nearby… not open until noon. We ended up driving to downtown Portsmouth to find any place that might be open illegally because clearly NH law includes a noon restriction. In a strange twist of fate, we found Fat Belly's, a member of the chain we tried to visit in RI. Very good pub food and beer!
We walked over to the game store, made some purchases, and completed the trip home. I said hello to my wife and promptly fell asleep in my recliner.
Overall, an excellent trip other than a few driving and restaurant issues. We spent much of the ride home discussing plans to either return next year or perhaps try to attend another event (or events!).
